A few days ago, I visited the V.A. for the first time. It was one of the most touching experiences of my life. I was there to check on my mom’s assisted living benefits as the widow of a vet.
I‘d dreaded going to the V.A. I have a disdain for bureaucracies. I’d always felt like there was too much red tape, too few answers, and a lack of caring. But this time was different.
From the time I drove through the front gate, I felt flooded with emotions from the past as well as what I witnessed in the…
Many people often ask about the difference between sex addiction and love addiction. While they often go hand-in-hand, they are not the same.
Sex addiction has nothing to do with love. There’s really no such thing as love addiction. Love is desirable but not addictive. Addiction is something that a person does despite adverse consequences. Since love does not have negative effects, it cannot be addictive. People confuse passion with love. …
Love in all its forms is often confused with addiction. One covers up the void while it continues to expand. The other one fills the emptiness with lasting fulfillment. Love and pain are often confused. Lovers equate pain with the depth of feeling for someone and think the more pain they feel, the more they love the person. Parents confuse loving their children with caretaking/co-dependency, which means they enable them to stay stuck. The love of work is often confused with making a lot of money.
Love is none of these things.
Love is not pain. Something pure and innocent…
When we think of the fourth of July, we are reminded that our country declared its independence from Great Britain. This meant we would no longer be dependent on Great Britain for support. It would also mean we would no longer pay taxes or provide other support to Great Britain. But, freedom didn’t happen overnight. Many lives were lost, and many hardships had to be overcome. Our country wasn’t wealthy then, and many people struggled to stay alive.
It took a sustained commitment by those responsible for forming and organizing our early standards for governing ourselves as a free nation.
…
Have you ever noticed how some people are such effective communicators that they usually get what they want? The chances are that these people know the secret to being heard. Rather than letting their emotions rule them, they know how to be kind.
It’s pretty normal when you’re frustrated that you want to get the anger out as quickly as possible. But after all is said and done, no one feels good when they wind up regretting the things they said or did. It’s like putting out a fire with gasoline, and both people get burnt. …
Some people go through life never understanding why they don’t reach their goals. They don’t see why they aren’t getting the career they want, true love, good health, or peace of mind.
They are the “unlucky,” ones.
Chances are something is blocking them from their goals, and in many cases, it’s addiction.
We’ve been so conditioned to live in an addictive mindset. We don’t even realize that our minds have been overtaken. Whether it’s addicted to substances or addicted to getting our needs met on demand, it’s a rare person whose free will has not been hijacked by something. …
One of the problems with the current recovery models is that they don’t recognize there’s only one addiction.
You might be thinking, ‘What? That’s impossible; everyone knows there’s a whole list of addictions!’ And you’d be right. The list is almost infinite; caffeine, drugs, exercise, food, gambling, nicotine, pornography, shopping, sugar, work, etc.
But when we compartmentalize addiction, we’ve missed the real problem and wind up on a merry-go-round of bouncing from one addiction to another.
Two Examples of Addiction Roulette
Mary quits smoking and replaces the habit with food, and she gains weight. She doesn’t know that the tobacco…
Do you ever wonder why some people are happy and you don’t feel that way? Happy people have learned something that unhappy people don’t know or don’t want to know. Instead of going through life trying to get something, they are givers. Happiness is a byproduct of contributing to life and the people around you, not just going through life in the receiving role.
A Course in Miracles teaches us “To have all give all to all.” The only real lack is in our consciousness, so that’s what we manifest.
When you share your energy, time, and money without expectations…
Have you ever felt close to someone and then wondered why you stopped hearing from that person? I’m not talking about the relationships that end in arguments. I’m talking about the silent endings when an unknown caused that person to pull away, leaving you bewildered and confused.
You might have reached for your phone many times, but then something stopped you from calling. You probably retreated into the dark part of your mind that chose fear instead of love. It was just too uncomfortable to be the first to take the risk of rejection.
Some relationships aren’t meant to be…
Addiction is a pandemic problem and at the root of almost all medical and emotional issues. But most people think of an addict as someone they can see; a person who is staggering down the street with an empty liquor bottle or someone so obese he can barely walk. We don’t see the other millions of people who suffer from addiction because it’s not obvious or because we are in denial.
The main reason for denial is the lack of understanding regarding what addiction is — continuing to the same thing, despite harmful consequences. Negative consequences occur when there is…
Dr. Donna Marks
Dr. Donna Marks is a licensed psychotherapist and an addictions counselor. She is certified in Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Hypnosis, and Sex Therapy.
